i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
