i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
