another moral hangover. fuck.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
