My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
