I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
