This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
