HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
