dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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