Your face is a jimmy john
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Enjoy the penises
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
