I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
the condom got lost in my hair
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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