You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
