I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
