Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
His nipple licking is glorious
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