Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
