Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Randomize