yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
