You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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