I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
