Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
