your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You can't motorboat a personality
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize