I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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