nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Your cock deserves a montage
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
