They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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