glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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