I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
