She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
