I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
