i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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