you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize