i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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