If i come over, it means nothing
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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