Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize