If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
