it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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