I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
