walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
