I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
