Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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