I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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