just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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