Just mADE A PArabola og urine
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize