a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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