i just had sex bonerless
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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