So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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