I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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