why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
