At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
