i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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