Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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