I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Randomize
