We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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