I accidentally had phone sex last night
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
