Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
