Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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