my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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