i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
3 2 1 whiskey
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
