The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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