im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
