Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We're too hungover to prance.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
