Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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