WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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