hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
