WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
