Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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