So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
