i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
