Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
