smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
this beer tastes like vomit already
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
