I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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