I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
