After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
