he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
