My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
