If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
