I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
