Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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