if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
