Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
