come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
