i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
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