Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
