he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize