In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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