Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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