So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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