its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
