Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
